Category Archives: husband

How to Git the Honey-Do List Dun

Warm weather  and weekends are for projects, or so women think.

Warm weather and weekends are for relaxing, or so men think.

Spring is getting closer and our Honey-Do Lists are getting longer. The longer the list gets, the higher chance you have for marital conflict. 

I asked my husband for his insight on the  Honey-Do List.  Oh boy, did I get insight.  I should have asked him when we got home from the honeymoon and saved myself years of frustration.  This is a direct quote. Hang onto your office chairs, ladies.

His admission also proved this post  could have been titled, "The Man Who Betrayed All Men.”

Apparently, the 1st time I ask him to do something, he views it as a "SUGGESTION."

Hubbster explained, "I don’t want to act at this point because I need to discern if it is a suggestion or is really critical. If I hear about it for about six years, then I know it’s important."

When he heard me typing 90mph, he started laughing.

"OH, NO! I just revealed my trade secrets!" Yes, you are busted, Mr. P.

The 2nd time he hears me ask, he knows it’s important, but by the third time,  he knows he’s treading on thin ice. By the 3rd time I’m treading on thin ice, too, because I’m getting too close to nagging.

AS A WOMAN, anything that comes out of my mouth is important, so I assume I should only have to ask once.

AS A MAN, he knows I change my mind, my plans and my priorities, so he wants time to discern my asks.

The Honey-Do List can cause friction in marriage. After all, there are things only a man can do. I realized that after trying to pound a 16 penny nail into solid oak. I pounded and pounded and pounded, and couldn’t get the nail to go in. I thought it would be an easy project. I was wrong.

I ended up pounding the oak floor  in frustration instead of the nail. Yep, I did. Yep, it made me feel better. Nope, the shelf in the closet never got hung. I just couldn’t do it. Later, my laughing hubby explained how to drill holes in the wood first. It proved a point to both of us. There were some things he needed to do for a variety of reasons.

During the years my hubby traveled  for work and I was at home with six small kids, many things got broken. Many of those broken things didn’t get fixed. The pile became a source of irritation for both of us. To me, it symbolized his failure. To him, it symbolized my nagging.

At my next garage sale, I made a huge sign that said Honey-Didn’t Do and marked the broken items a dollar.  They all sold to retired men looking for things to do and women who had mastered DIY. Hubby and I both got a laugh, the list was knocked down in size, and I never missed those broken items.

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1. MAKE A LIST

The marital conundrum.  If you don’t remind a husband, he doesn’t remember.  If you remind him only once, he won’t remember.  If you remind him more than three times, you’re a nag.

Let the list do the nagging.  I bought cool little whiteboard for his side of the closet. The wall was textured and the sign kept falling down. I bought more double stick foamy stuff and used a ton. Didn’t work. I was gunna’ pound a 16 penny nail through the whole thing, but that hadn’t work 20 years prior, so I figured it wouldn’t work now.

I brought the whiteboard to the thrift store. However, the few weeks the thing actually stayed on our wall, it worked. He liked the idea of not having to remember the list and having the ability to do them in his timing. Now I keep a simple paper list.

 

2. DIY

Learn a new skill.  Bing it.  YouTube it. I divide my list into  Honey-Do and the  Honey-I-Dun-Did-it-Myself. Relieve some of  the burden if you can.

3. HELP THE HONEY HELP YOU

I needed a coat rack hung in the downstairs hallway for bathrobes. 

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They were in the way on the closet doors.

beka 007

I bought the coat rack I wanted.  The tools he needed were added to the pile.  When he came home from work I showed him the task.  It was done within the week.  I praised and thanked him.

It worked so well, the next week he asked me if I needed anything else done, since he was running to Home Depot.  I asked him to buy a white towel bar for the bathroom.  A few hours later, he brought me down to the bathroom to show me the finished project. 

He was as a proud as a kid with a homemade clay ashtray. 

Inland NW Christian Writers Conference 206

I smiled and stammered and said, “Well, thank you, honey, but that isn’t a towel bar.”

He stared and stammered and stared some more. The gerbils were running their guts out to process the information.  Coat rack….towel bar….coat rack…towel bar…

OH. I used glue and screws and it will NEVER come down.”

We now use coat hooks for our towels.  In the PNW it isn’t the best option because towels don’t dry quickly.  But, he was able to git ‘er dun, so we’re making the thing he dun got dun make do.

Speaking of git ‘er dun, this blog is done.  A three day weekend is coming up and I have to write my current Honey-Do List out. 

Good thing I know three ways to git the list dun!

The Annoying Husband Contest

When I got married, I thought I married a highly intelligent, wonderful man who would function well in life.

I was wrong.

Totally wrong.

As soon as we returned from the honeymoon I learned  my husband lacked intelligence in some areas. I had promised to love and cherish, and my wedding vows were soon tested.

He actually thought the couch pillows were for his head. He would lie down for a nap on the couch, grab one of my new ruffled pillows,  put his head on it and think he was going to take a nap.

Can you believe that?

Pillow with Text from Snipping Tool

Thinking pillows are for heads?

He also proved his lack of intelligence in the bathroom.  He actually thought the rug next to the shower was to step on when he got out of the shower.  DUH.  It gets wet and it doesn’t always dry out. It took me years  before I finally taught him to dry off his feet before he got out of the shower and stepped on the rug.

You would think that men would at least be good with mechanical things in the house, like appliances.  My husband actually thought he could put dirty dishes in the dishwasher.  I had to teach him how to scrape them and rinse them and then put them in the dishwasher.  Of course, he never could figure out how to put the stuff in the dishwasher, tall cups on the right, short cups on the left, coffee cups in the middle.  On the bottom, plates in the front row, 8 facing east, 8 facing west, meeting in the middle.  Along the edges you fit cutting boards and platters.  Bowls can be tucked neatly together in the back row of the dishwasher and misc. items between the rows of plates and bowls.  After he says "it’s full"  I can fit another sink full of items in there. 

Whoever taught men to place spatulas and utensils on their side in the upper rack?  You could fit six glasses or one spatula.  I choose six glasses.

My husband also has a hard time putting things away in the kitchen.  To me, it’s obvious.  We have a corner cupboard just for items to drink from.  The bottom row is glass drinking glasses, short clear on the right, short green in the middle, tall clear on the left.  The middle shelf is coffee cups.  I prefer to have all the handles facing to the right, but I am flexible on that point.The top shelf is stemware, clear on the right, gold on the left.   Easy-peasy puddin’ and pie.

BUT NOOOOOUHHHH!  He just opens the cupboard door and randomly shoves stuff in there.  I can just hear the reasoning, "Hey, they’re all things you drink out of, so I got the right cupboard!"

Do you know how hard it is to set the table when you want to use all the short green glasses and you have to rearrange the whole cupboard to find 8 that match?

He also had the audacity one night to set the table with two green glasses, two clear, one taco bell cup, one leftover sippy cup that got lost for a decade ‘cuz it was in the wrong cupboard, and two 7-11 Slurpee cups. 

Speaking of dishes, once he served our daughter, who was two at the time, her morning cereal in a serving bowl with a tablespoon.  It looked like a scene out of Honey I Shrunk the Kids.  He’s ridiculous!

But you know what shows his greatest lack of intelligence?  Choosing a woman who is so finicky, she  needs to live on her own planet.

stuff from june 068                           toilet,

       mAkInG fUn Of mOm                                              What About That Toilet Seat?

mAkInG fUn oF mOmMy – again

Scott and I joke about becoming comedians so we can get paid to make fun of each other. Read the above posts so when this dream comes true you can say, “Hey, I knew those guys before they were famous!”

But, the spirit of the laughing at each other is to prove that even those irritations in a marriage can be used to STRENGTHEN a marriage instead of TEARING it down, if you learn to handle them quickly. 

Laughter is always a good option.  Forgiveness is  a better option.  Changing habits is a good option.  Accepting and loving when something  isn’t changed yet is a better option.

101 Things Husbands Do to Annoy Their Wives

I respect Ray Comfort.  He has publically acknowledged how annoying husbands can be.  He also gives good marriage advice.

Marriage Resolutions from Ray Comfort:

  • Never mention the word “divorce” during an argument.
  • Vow not to let your emotions lead you to say things you will regret.
  • Learn how to say “I’m sorry.”
  • Be aware of your own faults.
  • Agree never to argue in front of your children.
  • Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.

 

Writing Contest

So, in honor of annoying husbands, I am giving away the above book free in a writing contest.  Leave entertaining comments below about something annoying your husband does.  This is not actually a husband-bashing contest, write in the spirit of making fun of the demands or expectations wives place on husbands. You may enter more than once.  It’s Monday.  We need a few laughs.

A random committee will choose and announce the winner whenever I remember on  Monday, April 22nd. That random committee may or may not include any random people sitting on my couch at that moment and may or may not include random people walking their dog in front of my house on Monday morning. 

image           image

Oh, your comments may or may not be used in random blog posts in the future.  Just warnin’ ya.

Happy Wives ClubMaking your home sing Mondays WholeHeartedButtonExceptionalistic

What Makes an Anniversary Happy?

Today is our 27th wedding anniversary.

I’m thankful for the years together, and blessed that we’re still best friends and deeply in love. This is the marriage we purposed to have years ago, and with the grace and strength from  the Lord, we are experiencing this.

People who may not know our lives, may  think  our marriage is happy because our life has been easy. Without going into great details, the exact opposite has been true. We approached the financial problems, parenting and health issues, many moves and job challenges with the goal of drawing closer together instead of further apart.

It wasn’t just a goal or a glib platitude; we fought for this. When our marriage was tossed into the storm, we clung to each other and the Lord. 

Wedding Pic

The cord of three is the rope that rescues.

PRAY to FIND EACH OTHER:
Like most young people, our marriage really began in the earnest prayers we poured over our respective lists of "Things We Want in A Spouse." Along with the prayers, we purposed to not compromise our standards. If the Lord was good enough to hear and answer our prayers, then we were going to have the faith that He would provide the answer to our prayers. We were willing to wait for the person that suited those attributes we each desired in a mate.

PRAY to HELP ONE ANOTHER:
Complete unity requires complete honesty. We tell each other absolutely everything. The only information we withhold is in a counseling situation, especially if we are asked to not tell our spouse.

Complete honesty means complete honesty about our own life and each other’s. We take the spiritual admonitions to exhort, encourage and rebuke one another to heart, knowing that we are brother and sister in the Lord. We pray about each other’s strengths and weaknesses, then we may speak about them, then we pray more. It is vital to not only point out spouse’s spiritual gifts or their faults, but to pray for them.

PRAY SPECIFICALLY:
I specifically pray for my husband concerning his spiritual gifts, relationships, parenting, performance at work, wisdom, blessing, his Bible reading and Biblical understanding, his role as an elder, and his unsaved family members. I pray specifically for situations he needs to make decisions about, I pray about conversations he needs to have or is having, and I pray for his influence on others.

For myself, I pray to love, honor and obey him. I desire to be a good helpmeet and not be selfish. It’s too easy to have a Disney princess mentality, thinking your husband’s purpose in life is to make you look and feel like royalty. Sometimes it is about cleaning toilets and being alone because your husband is spending time with the kids, other believers or is in the Word. I pray my my joy and strength would come from the Lord so I don’t drain my husband with demands that aren’t his to meet.

 

PRAY for UNITY:
Because I purposely chose a man who had the Biblical doctrine, parenting ideals, a work ethic, future plans and beliefs on marriage roles I could wholeheartedly submit to, our marriage has been one of little major conflict. I get cranky about dumb stuff, we may argue because we are frustrated about something/something else, but we don’t disagree on the major issues in life.

We make decisions together. We pray about things, then decide what’s most in accordance to the Lord’s Word. If it isn’t a spiritual issue, we just ask for wisdom.

When we do disagree, we pray for unity. Someone has to change. Instead of each insisting on our own way, we commit to the Lord in prayer and ask Him to change our hearts. Disunity is  lonely in a marriage, and the Lord wants our hearts unified as much as we long for this.

A specific example has to do with the number of children we wanted to have. Since I was 12 years old, I wanted six kids. During our engagement, my husband thought four would be a good number. Once we began having children, he thought two would be a good number. Although my heart wanted six kids, I could feel them in my arms before they were there, it was more important to me to have unity. I prayed and prayed for the Lord to unite our hearts and plans according to His will.  The Lord answered my prayers. One pregnancy at a time, my husband’s mind was changed, by the Lord, not by me. We have six children, six that were a blessing in unity, not a happening because I insisted on my own way.

PRAY through SCRIPTURE:
Another way prayer has blessed our marriage, is by praying specific Scriptures in the Bible for ourselves and for one another. We pray for the children this way, too. We feel it is more powerful to use the Lord’s words in prayer, we are more likely to be praying in His will if we are praying His Words.

PRAY to STAY
Staying in the race isn’t the same as finishing the race well.  Growing up, Scott  spent much time with an older couple in the neighborhood. At times being in their little home was like being caught in the crossfires of a world war.  Their communication over 50 years had been yelling and bickering, even though the love and commitment were real.

Through each stage of life, your marriage must grow and change with you. It gets better, it never gets easier.  The challenges of live only increase with the increasing demands. Pray to stay your way through. 

Tying your marriage together with a cord of three that’s strengthened by prayer, is how to make your anniversaries  happy.

**********

To read other posts I’ve written about love and marriage, click the image or link below.

 

Grandkids and Wedding Cake Topper 056                

       Happily Ever Afters Don’t Just Happen                    The Man She Married

         Girls' Apt 045                           

   Ten Things to Look for in the Perfect Man                  Laughter Doeth the Marriage Well

Ten Things to Look for in The Perfect Man

 

For years I’ve joked with  single women, “You’ll never find The Perfect Man because I married him.”

My love for my husband grows and changes from year to year as we survive trials and tribulation.  They aren’t troubles within the marriage, they’re troubles outside we’ve weathered together. In fact, we’ve often joked that if the Lord had shown us the path we would  take together, we wouldn’t have gotten married.  Just joking, of course.  The truth is, life is hard for everybody, and going through life with someone who is your best friend and is there for you no. matter. what. is a joy and a privilege.

Years ago, my friend and her fiancé  took a test to see if they were compatible for marriage. They were asked questions about household chores, common interests, and expectations for future family. To me, it was shallow.

Who decides who’s going to do dishes before they’re married?

Life happens.  Some couples can’t have kids, others end up having more than they planned.  Other couples move and are exposed to new foods, interests and hobbies.  There are too many unknown factors to match up couples according to a simple list of physical things that will change.

The ideal is to  match the core of your ideals and ride the changes and hardships in life together. Choose a man who has a depth of faith and moral character that will endure for eternity.

Ten Things to Look for in The Perfect Man

Red heartThe Perfect Man loves the Son of Man more than you.  He is faithful to the Lord Jesus, His Word and His people. He actively uses his spiritual gifts to minister.  He should love the Lord more than you.

 

Red heartThe Perfect Man loves the real you.  There is no glass Cinderella slipper in his hand that you must fit into.  Yes, there are colors he  likes you to wear, or foods he wants to eat.  But, overall, he loves you for your passions, interests, and  beliefs. He wants you to become the woman the Lord created you to be, not the ideal mate he created in his mind.

Red heartThe Perfect Man loves you more than his possessions.  How does he react if you have an accident with something he owns?  When I dinged up our Suburban, my husband said, “It’s just sheet metal.”

 

Red heartThe Perfect Man loves the way you look, but his staying power isn’t dependent on your staying that way. Illness happens.  Babies happen.  Stress happens. I have two  6 1/2 inch skinny scars  that interweave across my neck like a macramé’ choker.  My husband  doesn’t see the imperfection, he sees the woman he loves. These blemishes don’t affect me, because they don’t affect him.

 

Red heartThe Perfect Man listens to you.  Yes, he needs to be reminded, he needs to be told more than once, after all the word MAN is still in that title, but overall, he listens to your words and understands the passion,  because he knows they come from your heart.

 

Red heartThe Perfect Man understands you come with baggage.  He’s willing to open up the baggage, help wash what’s inside and  repack it neatly.

 

Red heartThe Perfect Man knows when he marries you he marries the whole family. He won’t make you choose between him and them.  He doesn’t have to agree with their philosophies, approve of their life choices or enjoy all their activities.  He respectfully chooses to love them and be a part of the family because they’re your family.

 

Red heartThe Perfect Man is not afraid to ask for advice and is not too proud to act on advice given.  No person is an infinite fountain of wisdom, your life will always benefit from a man who is willing to seek out advice from others who are older and/or wiser.

 

roses and chocolates 001

Red heartThe Perfect Man blesses you when there is a reason and when there isn’t. I get flowers on Valentine’s Day and the First Day of School. But, I also have been given lovely gifts like an usual rock or a twisted piece of wood when my hubby was out hiking. When he went to the ocean for the first time on a business trip, he brought home a takeout box of white sand so I could share his experience.

roses and chocolates 009

Chocolate is always good, too.  It’s never about money, it’s about the thought.

Girls' Apt 045

Red heartThe Perfect Man will pass the Bed Pan Test. This is the final and hardest test to pass.

Many  men will buy flowers.

Many men will buy chocolates.

Not many men will hold a bed pan.

The Perfect Man  holds the bed pan while you puke your guts out.Then he’ll wipe your mouth, give you a drink of water, and not care that your breath stinks.  That’s what my man did eight years ago when I went through my first round of thyroid cancer.

The Perfect Man grows more perfect through trials, clinging to the Lord for His strength and  wisdom. He endures poverty and riches, sickness and health, joy and sorrow with the same faith and joy. Because His love for the Lord endures, His love for you will endure.

Not all marriages will require a bed pan, but all couples will endure trials together. Many marriages end during cancer. Other marriages are destroyed while dealing with a prodigal child, a miscarriage, death of a child or financial troubles.

The bed pan signifies the commitment of a man determined to stick out his faith and his marriage, by the grace of God,  at any personal cost during every trial.  He’s willing to sacrifice for his bride, because He loves the One who gave up His life for His bride. How men handle frustration and trials will tremendously affect your marriage.

So, that list you have in your Bible.  C’mon, single girls, admit it.  I know THE LIST is in  there, that’s where I kept mine. Take it out right now and add one more thing:

“Must be able to pass the Bed Pan Test.”

And next time you look into the eyes of the young man you’re swooning praying over, if you’re confident he could hold a bed pan,  he just might be The Perfect Man. 

 

 

the. man. pack.

It doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to figure out men and women are different.

Really different.

Nothing demonstrates how different men are than observing ~

WHAT they pack
WHEN they pack
HOW they pack

The longer you’re married, the more you’ll look alike, the more you’ll think alike, but you may never, ever, ever pack alike, unless you dress alike.

Another time our family traveled, I blogged about The Man Pack. I’m still astounded and jealous at the. man. pack and obviously, I have more to say about the issue.

WHAT?

A man can throw any pants and any shirts in a suitcase and wear them
in any order
on any given day
in any combination
without accessories.

A woman’s wardrobe is MUCH MORE complicated.  So is a woman, come to think of it, but ANYHOO, back to the clothes. We have certain shirts that go with certain  jeans, the length of said shirts coordinating with the width of pant legs. We have certain shoes that go with the certain jeans that go with the certain shirts.  I don’t know who invents the. rules., but we’re slaves to them.  We dare not wear the wrong jeans with the wrong shoes and the wrong shirt, especially if teenage daughters are involved.


”Uh, Mom, ……you don’t  um….wear that type of shirt with skinny jeans.” 

“Mom, those jeans are really cute on you, but  um…well…um…you should be wearing flats.”

“Mom. If you’re going to wear your jeans tucked into your boots, they have to be skin tight.  They can’t bulge around your knees, you look like a pirate.”

Yes, I was called a pirate, but better a few moments of shame in the privacy of my living room, than public humiliation for not following the. rules.

(All those years I dressed my daughters, now they dress me.)

Speaking of fashion, we need the perfect accessories to go with each perfect outfit. Don’t even get me started on the proper undergarments needed to insure modesty in a day and age where others consider underclothes  part of the outfit.

I’d heard Europeans were more formal and that I needed evening wear.  People warned me about over packing. I also knew I couldn’t run to Target if I forgot anything. It would be rainy and  I’d be walking everywhere.  So, I had to look amazing while exerting physical energy in the rain.  Then, quickly convert to evening wear and look amazing while sitting in a restaurant with elegant working women.

I dreaded packing. I mean, I dreaded it.  The pressure was on, so I started the trial run of assembling “outfits” a few days before launch, hanging things together on hangers, and sometimes modeling for my daughters. There was no time in my itinerary for “Houston, we have a problem.”  It had to be perfect for this once-in-a-lifetime trip.

When did Scott start packing? I can hear your curiosity rousing through the Internet.

WHEN?

The night before.  Fifteen minutes before bedtime.

IMG_3211

Yep, clothes for a week of business meetings, evening dinners and sightseeing all stacked in 15 minutes.

Fifteen minutes.

HOW?

Take small pile of versatile clothing that you’ve owned for months, and most likely years, fold good enough to get by, place in suitcase.

IMG_3214

Yep, clothes for a week of business meetings, evening dinners and sightseeing all packed in 15 minutes.

Fifteen minutes.

D

U

N

Done. 

the. man. pack. takes less than 30 minutes,  less time than it took to pack my make-up.

 

IMG_3212

The bathroom looked like this for DAYS, maybe a whole week, while I tried to decide what make-up, jewelry, medicine and personal care items HAD to go with me. Then, they all had to be packed in  bags to avoid spillage.  My perfectly coordinating jewelry couldn’t get tangled. 

IMG_3215

One big man,  one small suitcase.

A woman could fill up one of those little ones just with shoes.

 

IMG_3216

One small woman, one big suitcase.

Yea, baby, now THAT’S a suitcase. 

However, I’m already exhausted and need a vacation  for packing for vacation, because I followed
 the. rules.

Hubby, on the other hand, has not lost any time, energy or thought on his clothing, because he has mastered
the. man. pack.

First Day of School Traditions

Some traditions need to be nixed.

Getting into my Jeep and finding an empty gas tank
whenever I share my vehicle,
is not a good tradition.

Having to refill all the toilet paper holders in the house
(click on link to read about my amazing skillz)
because I am the only one capable,
is not a good tradition.

Knowing that the moment I put away the mop,
someone will spill on the floor,
is not a good tradition.

Back to School! 021

Flowers and chocolate for the first day of school?
That’s a good tradition.

Traffic was harsh and the hubbster was a little late coming home.
When I heard my daughters’ exclamations when he walked through the door,
I knew he hadn’t forgotten.

Know what I did?

I hid.

I crouched down beside our bed and tried not to giggle.
Ya’ know, I never was a good Hide and Go Seek player.
I’d find an awesome spot, then be so happy, I would giggle
and snort myself into capture.

This time I didn’t giggle.
Hubby came in and put something on the bed,
called for me and walked away.

I grabbed one of the chocolate love offerings,
and ducked beside the bed again.
It was quickly devoured, because I deserve it,
being the mother of six kids and starting my
19th year of homeschooling.

When he came back in, he still couldn’t find me.

To calm his fears, because I’m pretty sure he was ready to file
a missing person’s report, I rolled up my candy wrapper,
and flicked it at his ear.

When he finally found me, I felt a little silly.
Isn’t nearly 50 years old a little too old to be hiding?
Apparently not.

 

He thought I was cute.
I think he’s cute, too.

And that, my dear bloggy friends, is how we keep the marriage alive.
Buy me chocolates and flowers, and nobody gets hurt,
except by flying candy wrappers.

 

Just Because Flowers

My husband buys flowers for Valentine’s Day.

My husband buys flowers for the first day of school.

My husband buys flowers for my birthday.

He is smart enough  NOT to buy flowers after a fight,
because what wife wants the reminder?

But, to be honest, the best kinda’ flowers…..

…are the JUST BECAUSE flowers.

Flowers

Just

Because

He

Loves

Me.

Scott didn’t know at the

same time

he was picking out this bouquet,
I was reading a disturbing email that upset me greatly.

I was home, trying to figure out how to handle the situation,
crying and praying, when my dear hubby walked in with his warming smile,
these beautiful flowers and a hug of assurance.

It wasn’t just a confirmation of my husband’s love for me,
but of the Lord’s love and concern.

Before I could even tell my husband my problem, the Lord was working through him.

For over a week flowers in the middle of the dining room table preached,
“Mindy, I KNOW and I CARE. Before you can even tell anyone your problelms,
I am working in ways you don’t know or understand.
I will handle all of your problems. TRUST ME.”

I have a dear hubby and a Heavenly Father who are loving me and helping me through the joys and sorrows of life

Just

Because

They

Love

Me.

Thanking As Much As Begging

Last year I taught my daughter


Actually, I thought I was teaching her how to politely
cash in on a promise without being a dripping faucet.
Afterall, she wasn’t asking her daddy
for something out of his control,
she was just asking for something he’d promised.

With my advice, she stopped greeting my husband
every
night at the front door asking,
“Daddy, when are you going to build my playhouse?”

 

She stopped waking him up
every
Saturday morning asking,
“Are you going to build my playhouse today?”

She just left signs everywhere.
It was quiet.
It wasn’t nagging.

It worked.
We got what we wanted.

We have played, pretended, snacked, tea-partied our hearts out.
The loft holds a double mattress, so we have slumber parties
where we watch movies,  eat snacks,
chew gum instead of brushing our teeth before bed,
then fall asleep holding hands.

This little home her daddy prepared for us has been
a huge, huge, blessing.

 

One day, I was convicted to tears.
I did a great job of teaching Rebekah
 to ask her Daddy for an answer to a promise.

I didn’t properly teach her to thank him.
Oh, we said thanks on more than one occasion.
She is delighted and will spontaneously hug and thank her Daddy.
She tells others how thankful she is for her Daddy.

But, our thanks didn’t match the magnitude of
asking
or the magnitude of
blessing
 we’d received.

To remedy the situation,
Rebekah and I giggled and planned and shopped.



We invited Daddy to a party.
A big party.

On the colorful banner we wrote
Thank You.


Beka and her Guest of Honor.

Kisses of thanksgiving for the carpenter.
Let the festivities begin!


Scott’s love language is hand-written cards.
(I know that’s not exactly what the book says,
but it’s exactly what he wants.)

Beka’s handwritten words of love and gratitude.
This was his favorite part of the celebration.

So, you all know where I’m going with this,
doncha’?
Every day,
all day long,
 our Heavenly Father
fulfills His promises to us.
I’m convicted that my
prayers of thanksgiving
don’t match the magnitude of
blessing received.





Hebrews 13:15
By Him therefore let us offer the
sacrifice of praise
 to God continually, that is,
the fruit of our lips
giving thanks
 to His Name.

Thank you, Daddy.
Thank you, Heavenly Father.

 

Ears Should Hear

  Yeah, the Lord created ears  to hear.
We know that.

Proverbs 20:12

The hearing ear and the seeing eye,
the LORD has made them both.

Little kids know that.

Husbands don’t always know that.
Well, husbands know ears are for hearing,

but I’m pretty sure they have a shut-off valve wired in their ears.
They know HOW to use their ears,
they like to decide WHEN to use them.
Little kids are obvious when they’re  ignoring you.
 They keep their head down and
concentrate on their book, their toy,
or whatever they deem more important
than the avalanche of words falling off your tongue.
A husband isn’t so obvious.
He’ll smile and nod,
giving  monosyllabic words of affirmation,
so you think he’s listening and agreeing.
It’s only later when you reaffirm plans,  go spend the money,
or plan an outing,  he’s busted.
Then the wife begins the quizzing, the drilling, the accusations.“You never listen to me.”
“What did I say about _______?”
“Who did I tell you called today?”
“When are we going out to dinner with the Smiths?”

 
As a young bride, I was devastated.
I had envisioned an adoring husband clinging to my every word.
As a young groom, I’m pretty sure he was devastated, too.
I don’t think he envisioned having a young bride
who could talk the hind leg off a mule (name that movie)
and expect him to remember
every.
single.
word.
I learned a few things early on.
There are good reasons why a man doesn’t listen,
and each wife has to figure out what turns the shut-off valve
in her husband’s ears.
Once we both learned to apply what we knew
about communication, it became easier.
I’ve even trained the kids to look for that glassy look
in Daddy’s eyes that tells them
the porch light’s on,
but nobody’s home.
Daddy might see lips moving and hear noises,
but he might not be listening.
He might still be at work.
He might be balancing the budget.
He might be planning a trip to Hawaii.
(Ya’ never know, it could happen again!)
They are to politely and respectfully get Daddy’s attention,
first his eyes,
then his ears,
then they can talk.The Lord used a different method to make a man hear.

Mark 7:31-35
 “And He… put his fingers into his ears,
and he spit, and touched his tongue”

I haven’t tried that.
I thought about demanding a hearing test, but spitting is out of question.

Prior to this healing, the Lord commanded three times in Mark
“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.”



I can joke about my husband’s ears, but mine are no different.
The words go in the ear canal, but not always into the heart.
That’s why the Lord had to give us this command.
He knew His people would have trouble listening to His Word.

Glassy-eyed,  we smile and nod our way through the Scriptures,
the words tickling our eardrums, but not impacting our lives.

We  should be that eager bride hanging onto every Word,
doncha’ think?

Well, doncha’?

Hey, are you listening to me?

Ya’ Know What My Hubby Just Did?!?!

When I was first married, I worked in a secular environment
and was soon exposed to the American sport of
“Husband Bashing.”
It wasn’t for the purpose of learning how to be a better wife
and learn to deal with some of those “husband issues,”
it was to ridicule them.
In one year, Scott and I were one of five couples who got married.
The women who spoke highly of their husbands are still married.
Not scientifically calculated, just an observation.
It’s easy to be a Christian testimony by just
not talking negatively
about your husband.
Easy to preach,
hard to do.
Like all of you,
my husband can drive me crazy!
In all fairness, I drive him crazy, too,
and that’s why we came up with this simple rule
early in our marriage.

We promised to never talk about
one another in a negative fashion.
Personal problems, fights and experiences in marriage are only to be shared
after resolution for the purpose of ministry and encouragement.
I talk and blog about him only
when my heart is right and I really don’t  secretly wish
he had chosen another course of action.
Once I learned to laugh and enjoy my husband’s craziness,
it blossomed more.
He’s the sunshine of our family,
even though he
has bad manners,
leaves messy trails,
has an addiction,
does Redneck Repairs,
feeds my kids a lot of sugar,
got a parking ticket,
and can’t make cookies.

 But there are things I will never share.

Why Not to Talk:
1. We erode the foundation of our husband’s spiritual headship
when we share his faults in front of others.
It may be harder for your children, relatives and other believers
to value him as they should if you’ve share too many failings.

(I’m not talking about covering up sin that should be disciplined,
I’m talking about normal, every day type struggles and habits.)

2.  Talking may keep us from praying.
Our main duty when we see a fault or a struggle,
is to talk to the Lord constantly about the issue.
Talking to someone makes you feel better,
but won’t change your husband. 
If only the Holy Spirit can provide the solution,
why not tell only Him the problem?

3. When we verbally disagree with a decision he’s made and do it our way,
we teach our kids to get their own way behind Dad’s back.
If a child has grown up with a mom who scorns her husband’s guidance
or secretly finds ways to run things her own way when he’s at work,
a child will do the same.
They’ll  smile pleasantly to Dad’s face, but defy behind his back.

Women may gossip under the guise of
sharing prayer requests.

An older woman, Carol, gave me the best advice
for handling this misguided spiritual activity.
When a woman starts sharing something about her husband
that’s making you uncomfortable, stop her and say,
“Let’s pray about this right now.”

If she’s sincere, she just found someone faithful
 to walk her through her trials and help her build a stronger marriage.
If she’s wanted to gossip,  she won’t come to you again.

Women may not share prayer requests because

they fear gossip.

Some women really are in troubled marriages.
Unfortunately, we’ve known Christian husbands that have struggled with
drinking, faithfulness, anger and abuse.

Especially during the times that a husband  like this won’t seek help,
a woman desperately needs help.
She may be slow in opening up, because she fears others will
skip the “prayer” and focus on sharing the “request.”

When to talk:

If you’ve prayed, searched the Scriptures, talked with hubby
and still don’t have answer concerning how you should be handling your
part of the problem, you may need Biblical advice and encouragement.

Choose a woman you and your husband are comfortable with,

 who knows the Scriptures, won’t share your confidences and will
 forgive your husband without holding a grudge.

(Unfortunately, there may be times is a woman’s life,
when her health and  spiritual welfare are in danger
 and she needs to confide without her husband’s approval or knowledge.)

Why To Talk

When you want to build up your husband,
teach your children what a good father they have,
make single women jealous :),
be a good testimony,
give a good spiritual example,
or make someone laugh,
then you  can tell hubby stories.

Then you have the right to exclaim,
“Ya’ Know What My Hubby Just Did?”

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Other blogs in a similar line

Dad, That’s Not the Way You Do That!

What If Daddy IS Wrong?

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