Category Archives: Daddy

But, Daddy, you PROMISED!

If I heard this once, I heard it a thousand times.
 
When our kids were very young,
my dear hubby would make a promise
(like for a horse)
and the kids couldn’t patiently wait for the fulfillment.
Kids don’t understand details must be arranged
 before asks become answers.

 

Sometimes, Daddy wants to wait for the perfect timing.
Sometimes, Daddy wants to bless them when they need it the most,
not when they want it the most.
Sometimes, they have to keep their end of the promise,
to receive Daddy’s blessing.

 

A child’s impatience expects the words to jump off the tongue
 and morph into whatever was promised.
Kids need to learn to wait on Daddy,
without whining,
 fussing,
or throwing a temper tantrum.
 
They don’t trust their Daddy
They don’t believe their Daddy.
They want their way, not his.
They might wrongly think
they’re not loved
or
not listened to.
 Daddy’s discretion is more important than immediate gratification.
Feet stomping and huffing won’t change the mind of a Daddy.
He hears praise.
He hears thankfulness.
He hears love.
He watches for patience.
He watches for understanding.

As Daddy, he reserves the right to answer the promise
in His way
and
in His timing.

But, wait,
we’re talking about our kids still,
right?
RIGHT?!?!?!?!
As we wait on the Lord for answers to promises from His Word,
shoudn’t we be modeling the behavior we desire and expect
from our children?
 
He promised to never leave or forsake us.
 He promises He hears our prayers.
He promises to deliver.
In every book of the Bible,
every chapter,
every page,
every paragraph,
every sentence,
promises are made by our promise-keeping Father.
Pick a promise from your Daddy,
pray about it and
be patient.
No foot stompin’
fussin’
or whining’
for any of us,
k?
Cuz ya’ know what?
Our Daddy PROMISED!
 

Ya’ Know What My Hubby Just Did?!?!

When I was first married, I worked in a secular environment
and was soon exposed to the American sport of
“Husband Bashing.”
It wasn’t for the purpose of learning how to be a better wife
and learn to deal with some of those “husband issues,”
it was to ridicule them.
In one year, Scott and I were one of five couples who got married.
The women who spoke highly of their husbands are still married.
Not scientifically calculated, just an observation.
It’s easy to be a Christian testimony by just
not talking negatively
about your husband.
Easy to preach,
hard to do.
Like all of you,
my husband can drive me crazy!
In all fairness, I drive him crazy, too,
and that’s why we came up with this simple rule
early in our marriage.

We promised to never talk about
one another in a negative fashion.
Personal problems, fights and experiences in marriage are only to be shared
after resolution for the purpose of ministry and encouragement.
I talk and blog about him only
when my heart is right and I really don’t  secretly wish
he had chosen another course of action.
Once I learned to laugh and enjoy my husband’s craziness,
it blossomed more.
He’s the sunshine of our family,
even though he
has bad manners,
leaves messy trails,
has an addiction,
does Redneck Repairs,
feeds my kids a lot of sugar,
got a parking ticket,
and can’t make cookies.

 But there are things I will never share.

Why Not to Talk:
1. We erode the foundation of our husband’s spiritual headship
when we share his faults in front of others.
It may be harder for your children, relatives and other believers
to value him as they should if you’ve share too many failings.

(I’m not talking about covering up sin that should be disciplined,
I’m talking about normal, every day type struggles and habits.)

2.  Talking may keep us from praying.
Our main duty when we see a fault or a struggle,
is to talk to the Lord constantly about the issue.
Talking to someone makes you feel better,
but won’t change your husband. 
If only the Holy Spirit can provide the solution,
why not tell only Him the problem?

3. When we verbally disagree with a decision he’s made and do it our way,
we teach our kids to get their own way behind Dad’s back.
If a child has grown up with a mom who scorns her husband’s guidance
or secretly finds ways to run things her own way when he’s at work,
a child will do the same.
They’ll  smile pleasantly to Dad’s face, but defy behind his back.

Women may gossip under the guise of
sharing prayer requests.

An older woman, Carol, gave me the best advice
for handling this misguided spiritual activity.
When a woman starts sharing something about her husband
that’s making you uncomfortable, stop her and say,
“Let’s pray about this right now.”

If she’s sincere, she just found someone faithful
 to walk her through her trials and help her build a stronger marriage.
If she’s wanted to gossip,  she won’t come to you again.

Women may not share prayer requests because

they fear gossip.

Some women really are in troubled marriages.
Unfortunately, we’ve known Christian husbands that have struggled with
drinking, faithfulness, anger and abuse.

Especially during the times that a husband  like this won’t seek help,
a woman desperately needs help.
She may be slow in opening up, because she fears others will
skip the “prayer” and focus on sharing the “request.”

When to talk:

If you’ve prayed, searched the Scriptures, talked with hubby
and still don’t have answer concerning how you should be handling your
part of the problem, you may need Biblical advice and encouragement.

Choose a woman you and your husband are comfortable with,

 who knows the Scriptures, won’t share your confidences and will
 forgive your husband without holding a grudge.

(Unfortunately, there may be times is a woman’s life,
when her health and  spiritual welfare are in danger
 and she needs to confide without her husband’s approval or knowledge.)

Why To Talk

When you want to build up your husband,
teach your children what a good father they have,
make single women jealous :),
be a good testimony,
give a good spiritual example,
or make someone laugh,
then you  can tell hubby stories.

Then you have the right to exclaim,
“Ya’ Know What My Hubby Just Did?”

**********
Other blogs in a similar line

Dad, That’s Not the Way You Do That!

What If Daddy IS Wrong?

**********

Making your home sing Mondays

The Tale of Three Hammers

Some things never change.
This is how my Dad’s tool bench has basically always looked.
The vise is the same. 
The pegboard is the same.
The grinder is the same.
Every house we’ve lived in,
whether Dad’s workbench was in the basement
or out in the garage,
it’s looked like this.

These green containers with Dad’s familiar handwriting
have sorted his smaller items for years.
But, some things do change.

Look at this row of screwdrivers.
Notice anything unusual?
I’m not talking about the one that’s leaning forward,
if that bothers you, you might be slightly OCD.
Think harder.
Every screwdriver is right where it should be.
There isn’t one in the junk drawer,
one in the toybox,
one under the car,
and one in the garden.
They’re all there.
They’re all there in a nice, tidy row,
just waiting patiently to be used.

As a kid I could never find a hammer.
(I guess Dad couldn’t either.)
There would be one in every fort the boys were making,
(I have three brothers)
there might be one in the driveway if we were smashing rocks or marbles,
there might be one at the neighbor boy’s house,
if he’d lost his Dad’s hammers and needed to borrow one of ours,
and there might be one in the boys’ bedrooms because they were
“fixing” things or “making” things.
Count them.
Three hammers.
They’re all there.
For years my Dad tried to keep his tools from wandering off.
He’d try to lecture the boys on responsibility.
He’d try that piece we all know about money not growing on trees.
He tried to instill the desire for orderliness,
showing them how great it was to go to the workbench
and actually find the tool you were looking for.
Nothing worked for many years.
But, I don’t remember my Dad
ever
forbidding the boys from using his tools.
He just endured.
Maybe he knew that someday the boys would leave
and his tools would look like they do now.
Maybe he even dreamed about the day
when he would go to get a hammer
and he would have three to choose from.
But, I don’t know if my dad ever dreamed about
 the amazing sons he would raise.
My brothers can build or fix anything.
Seriously.
And, they all buy a lot of tools and keep them in order.
In fact, my Dad’s been known to borrow tools from his sons,
as they became more skilled and began buying bigger and better tools.
My Dad’s workbench gives me hope.
Someday, my house will be clean.
My scissors will be where I put them.
My pens will be in the pen jar.
My burners will be clean.
My sewing machine will be threaded.
My glue sticks will have glue in them.
My tape will be in the drawer.
My cupboards will be clean.
My craft cupboard will be neatly organized.
My paints will not be open and dried out.
Until then,
I need to endure.
I need to remind myself that my “stuff”
is being used to train them for their futures.
And someday, by the grace of God,
I’ll be sitting back,
marveling at the amazing children I have.
Then, I will take all 20 pairs of scissors,
and hang them on pegboard.

Daddy’s Way is Funner

 Yea, I know you fellow grammar geeks are hung up on the word FUNNER in my title,  as I would have been until I read a newspaper article a few months ago with this news flash –

Funner is now a word. 
It’s even in the dictionary.

Any-hoo, back to funner, especially as pertaining to Daddies.

My kids found out early in life that Dad’s way is OK.  They also found out that Dad’s way can be funner than Mom’s way. I don’t feed kids cake for breakfast. Another adult in the family did once, while left alone with small children on a Saturday morning, and he was a hero for a lifetime, I can attest to that.

I don’t know about your home, but here the majority of the time Mom is the meal, Dad is the desert. Even if I’m the cake, Dad’s the frosting. That’s fine. I’ve learned to hang  onto my fork and enjoy the sweetness Daddy brings to life.

I’m home all day, it’s reasonable that the majority of the training and discipline comes from me. I regulate chores and schoolwork.

Daddy enforces the rules when he comes home, (you don’t want to disobey Daddy’s wife!)  but then  gets to play games or go somewhere fun.  If I’m busy resenting that, I’m not busy enjoying it.  It isn’t just relief for the kids, it’s relief for me, as well.  He brings just as much joy to my life as to the kids’ lives.

In our house, Dad is a “spur-of-the-moment, let’s find an adventure kinda’ guy.”  I’m a “let’s plan for a week, clean the car and buy snacks on sale kinda’ gal.”  How did our worlds peacefully collide?  I became an organized woman whose diaper bag and car were both stocked and ready for adventure at all times.  That way when Dad came up with one of his prize-winning ideas, I was quickly ready to throw together a few last minute things and pack the kids in the car.

We’ve had some incredible adventures together as a family.  Once we drove into the middle of a herd of elk. We grieved together over the Viet Nam War.  We’ve watched deer and raccoons up close, found secluded beaches, hiked mountains and napped by rivers.

Even when I do  fun and adventurous things with the kids, they react differently. I sleep outside in the tent with them.  I showed them how to use waxed paper on the 14 foot high slide in our backyard to whiz down faster.  I make the summer lists

It’s not that I’m not fun, it’s just that Dad is funner.

I remember the thrill in their stories after a trip to the dump with Daddy.  Seriously, the dump?  My week of homeschooling crafts and outdoor picnics were overshadowed by a trip to a smelly dump?

The Lord showed me, it’s not a comparison.  It’s not a competition.  It’s two people who love each other giving their children differently flavored experiences.  The kids obviously miss Daddy so much when he is at work, suddenly anything he does with them is exciting.  Because they love their Daddy.  Not because they don’t love Mom, not because Mom isn’t fun and not because Mom isn’t doing a great job.

It’s because they love their Daddies.

This is a good thing.

What good is cake without frosting?

If Dad’s are funner, then we can have our cake and eat it too.

Dad! That’s Not the Way You Do That!

While I was making the bed one morning, I noticed the bottom sheet was inside out, the seam sneering me, waving a serged thread tail  triumphantly in the air.

I recalled hearing an 8 year old voice a day before, “Dad, that’s not how you do it!”

It wasn’t the first time Dad heard those years in 24 years of parenting.

My husband hated changing diapers.  It wasn’t that he was lazy or didn’t want to participate in parenting, it just made him queasy.

Yea, the man who could gut a deer and throw the guts over his left shoulder, the man who could swiftly clean a fish and throw the entrails over the side of the boat,  was the man that could barely hold down his lunch when faced with a little pile of mustard squirts.

My hubby sent me to the craft store one  blissful Saturday morning.  All. by. myself.  No kids.  Totally alone.

When I returned home a few hours later, my oldest daughter, Jana, 4 years old,  met me at the door with a disapproving look on her face.  An equally worried Daniel, 2, stood behind her.

“Mommy,” she said.  “Daddy used wotsa, wotsa  your wipes.”

Looking down next to the couch I saw the mountain of mustard-streaked wipes piled high on top of a squishy diaper.  Sheepish that he’d been tattled on by a toddler, he said, “I used a lot of wipes, because there was a lot of poop.”

“Mommy,” Jana continued, “I twied to tell him.  You use the diaper first to wipe off the poopy.  I also twied to give him kweenex.  He didn’t even wip the wipe in half.  He used a whole one each time!”

I think she was wondering if Daddy was in enough trouble to be spanked.  She looked worried. Daddy hadn’t used any of the tricks I used to try to save money on a Christian school teacher’s salary, and she knew them all.   I had to reassure her that Daddy’s way was fine. 

It was her first of many examples that Daddy’s way wasn’t Mommy’s way, but Daddy’s way was fine. 

It was my first  of many examples that Daddy’s way wasn’t Mommy’s way, but Daddy’s way was fine.

Daddy’s Way is OK.

My husband coined this phrase as we talked about the issue of women trying to drive the husband’s actions from her side of the road. Because we moms are with the kids the majority of the time while Daddy is at work, sometimes it’s easy to think our way is the best or only way.

Women fuss at their husbands about how they hold the baby, how they change the diapers, how they play with them, how they feed them. They don’t like the clothes they pick out, the way they fold the laundry, the way they pour the milk.  The reality is, the more you criticize Daddy’s way, the less Daddy will have a way. Sometimes, daddies will just give up trying.

If your husband isn’t participating actively in the parenting give yourself an honest evaluation of how you have handled his “contributions” to the family. 

If you find yourself criticizing your husband’s methods, ask yourself these questions – is he bringing any physical, spiritual or moral harm to the children?  Does the process matter?  Is the outcome affected?  Ten years from now will it still be a big deal to you? Do you have Biblical reasons for your stand? Is he causing more work for you with his help?

The biggest question to ask yourself is this –
do you want your children to constantly be questioning Daddy’s ways? 

If Mom questions Dad’s decisions, the kids will. Doubt for your husband’s leadership can creep in and destroy trust as the decisions and actions you take as a family take on bigger dimensions and more serious consequences  each year.

How many wipes used for a diaper change didn’t matter.  Teenage issues mattered.  I needed my kids behind Dad 100% when we entered those years. Little nags can turn into big nags.  Little doubts can turn into big doubts.

Men and women are not the same.  Our life’s goal is not to have our husbands become the second wife in command, but to become the husband as the spiritual head of the home. By giving them the assurance they can husband and parent in the way that’s suitable to their experience, ideas, gifts and abilities, we give them the ability to serve in a way where respect isn’t commanded and demanded, it’s willingly given.

And you know what?  That husband who was really, really horrible at wiping little baby bottoms?  He was extremely wonderful and incredibly wise at wiping up teenage messes, without leaving a trail of destruction in the wake.

**********
What do you do when Daddy really is wrong
I’ll tell ya’ tomorrow.

Jon Loves His Daddy

Just when Scott thought his life couldn’t get any better,
with three daughters and a son,
he had another son.
A son so fiesty, ambitious, rambunctious, adorable and hyper,
it sometimes made his Gramma shudder.
He was a spittin’ image of his Daddy.
And spittin’ image is the correct terminology,
since the men in my family
have this thing about spitting into water.
The famous measuring during a hug-
I know he is wondering when he will be as tall,
or taller,
thank his Daddy.
Sons always want to be like their Daddy’s,
and the kids know their Daddy
is a man worth measuring up to.
Jon’s portrait of Daddy
If Dad’s really had ten fingers on each hand,
wouldn’t a back scratch feel
AWESOME?
Jon was four years old at the time.
I think that circle around the middle is supposed to be
Dad’s chubby tummy.
This was while he still ate chips and didn’t exercise.
*****
One thing I remember about Father’s Day (well any holiday that involves cards) and always will is Dad is big into cards, homemade cards especially.
Someone in our family (who shall be nameless) is notorious for running downstairs right before card time and scribbling out a card.
So, this Father’s Day I made a trophy and super nice card, I put those away and gave him a beat up lined piece of paper that had chicken scratches saying – Happy Father’s Day Love you-Jon.
He took it serious at first, read it and set it down. Then I whipped out the card and trophy and gave it to him, everyone started laughing hysterically. But, I appreciate Dad for wanting a nice homemade card that’s sentimental.

I Love You, Dad!
Happy Belated Father’s Day!



Jon
*****
to read the other
Father’s Day tributes,
click on
or

Daniel Loves His Daddy

Since Daniel is busy
being a grown-up young man,
and didn’t get his Daddy assignment done
for Father’s Day,
I still want to post the pics.
Scott was so thrilled to have his first son.
Like a true Minnesotan,
Daddy could hardly wait to take his son hunting…
…and fishing.
Those nightime snuggles,
turned into man-to-man hugs.
Where did the years go?
Daniel won his first art award
for drawing a picture of his Daddy and of Jesus.
Happy Belated Father’s Day, Dad!
I Love You!
*****
If you want to read the rest of the
family’s tributes to Daddy,
click on
and Jana.

Jana Loves Her Daddy

To Daddy from Jana

 
Jana was four years old, and her portrait is hilarious.
The hair is accurate, but we always laughed about the spoon.
 We also love his knees.
Maybe because that is the height she was at the time,
that is what she was seeing.
Read on to see how her vision of her Daddy
changed over the years.
*****
To Daddy from Jana

Being the oldest isn’t always the funnest role in the family,
especially the oldest girl.
My Dad and I fought many battles growing up…
Jeans below the belly button? *gasp* NO WAY!
Eyeliner? “It will just make you look goth.”

Having an opinionated girl was all new territory for everyone.
I didn’t know how to be a teenager and
Dad was trying to figure out how to relate to me!
Dad teases me quite often with words that I said when I was little,

“Me do myself.”

Those three words pretty much sum me up.

There’s one word that sums my Dad up –

LOVE.
Looking back over my life,
I see over and over again
 his demonstration of his love to me.
And not just the lovey-dovey love.

Love when it seems impossible to love someone.

Love when he wanted to rip my head off.

Love when his heart was breaking.

Love when my heart was breaking.

Love when he didn’t have any love left in him.

Unconditional love.
My attitude of “me do myself” gets me into trouble.
A lot.
But Dad stood,
 and continues to stand,
 by me.

He didn’t agree with paths I had chosen,
but he would continually show me love.

A text message. An email.

Constant little reminders he was never leaving me.

He gave me a glimpse of how the heavenly Father loves.

He taught me how I should love.

Love is action.

Dad’s actions speak louder
than anything he could ever say to me.
Except, when he says, “I love you with all my heart.”
I melt like a Popsicle on the 4th of July.

And now not only does my Dad continue to Love me,
he is loving on my husband and two kiddos.

What an answer to prayer!

If you know our story,
you know that Dad had to the right
 to pull out the shot gun.

Instead, he opened his big heart,
(how does he still have so much room after me?)
 and his arms, and welcomed Aaron in.

I know it was hard for him.
I could see it in his eyes and graying hair.

But underneath,
I saw his Love starting to pour out.
I saw our Heavenly Father shining through Dad,
helping him love.
Dad’s love has supported me and
helped me grow into the young lady I am today.

I know it wasn’t easy but he really has let “Me do Myself.”

He showed me how to turn that into something good.

Now I want, “Me do together with the Lord.”

He has taught me how to forgive.

He has taught me how to reach people.

He has taught me how to be a witness.

He has taught me how to live out a life of love.

He has taught me how to show love to my family.

He taught me how to love by loving me with All His Heart.

Dad, I love you with all my heart.

*****
Read the other love letters to Daddy by
Rebekah
Bethany
Grace

Grace Loves Her Daddy

To Daddy from Grace
*****
Dear Dad,

Father’s Day is ridiculous
I think we should spend everyday celebrating you,
not just one day every year.
But since it only comes once a year,
today is a special day.  
I want you to know that I feel sorry for all the girls out there
who don’t have you for a father.
You have taught me so many things,
and I know I can always look to you for advice
or money..hehe.
You are always willing to give a hand when I’m in trouble,
and I appreciate that.
I think my favorite memory of us is when I was younger
you would take me on a date to get your hair cut Saturday mornings,
and afterwards you would take me out to breakfast.
Just a few of the many things you have taught me are:
 to love the Bible,
make eggs the ‘right’ way,
the correct position for my arms while running,
 and to love Duke University’s basketball team.

You are truly a man of God and a great father,
and I am so blessed to be your daughter.
I love you, Grace
Happy Father’s Day!

Bethany Loves Her Daddy

   To Dad from Bethany
 

The love that a father has towards his children is one of the most precious things that can be portrayed. In the Bible we have pictures of Abraham and his son Isaac, Jacob and his son Joseph, and many others. But the most beautiful ones we see is the Heavenly Father and his Son, The Lord Jesus Christ. Those are some pretty incredible examples of a Father’s love. A couple of verses that were brought to my mind were in Romans 8:14-17.

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are sons of God. For they have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry ‘Abba Father.’ The Spirit itself shall bear witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if Children, and joint heirs with Christ; it so be that we suffer with him, that we may be glorified together.”

How beautiful it is that those of us who have trusted to Lord as Savior to be our Redeemer have the privilege to call The Heavenly Father Our Heavenly Father. I am so thankful and privileged to have an earthly father who loves the Lord with all his heart. It is because of his godly influence in my life that I can have a closer walk with my Father who is in heaven.

The guidance of a father is a beautiful thing.
It is even more beautiful when that guidance is given
through thoughtful prayer and communion with the Father above.
I love you, Daddy
Happy Father’s Day