Unfortunately, I was also allergic.
Sticks and Rocks and Mud
1. I could wrap up in my cape and keep warm during these months of sunless, rainy days when we turn the heat UP to 64 degrees to save money. Not this this happens much in the Pacific Northwest, but I’m pretty sure if the sun ever dared to shine, a cape would made a good sun shade.
2. I could use my cape to wipe sweat off my brow when I’m working really, really hard cleaning up after my six children, one husband, one SIL and two and a half grandkids. On the days I felt like cleaning, that is.
3. A cape would be useful in covering up my pj’s when company comes to door unexpectedly.
4. Since the weather guys are never right, my cape could double as a weather forecaster.
If the cape is wet, it’s raining.
If the cape is dry, it’s not raining.
If the cape looks like I have dandruff, it’s snowing.
If the cape has iciles hanging on the edge, it’s freezing rain.
5. Speaking of weather, my cape could also act as a weather vane. One of those roosters wouldn’t look too good on my head, but a cape could be styling some serious homeschoolin’ momma’ ‘tude.
If the cape isn’t moving -wind is less than 11 mph.
If the cape flaps once in awhile in a sporadic pattern – 12 to 18 mph.
If the whole length of the cape is flapping – 19 to 24 mph.
If the cape flaps quickly and is partially extended – 25 to 31 mph.
If the cape is fully extended – 32 to 37 mph.
6. I could shove part of the cape into my ears to muffle the sounds of kids whining, fussing, fighting, crying or asking for money. It would clean out my ears, too, so actually this would be a 2-fer-1 kinda’ deal.
7. A cape would cover my hair when it’s raining or when I didn’t have time to comb it. Or when the kids “borrowed” my hairbrush and didn’t return it, for the umpteenth time.
8. A cape might entice the kids to wipe their bodily fluids on the cape instead of my sleeve, shoulder, etc.My kids are a little past this stage, but I actually think wearing a booger or a baby spit-up wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to look at it. It could fly behind you, unnoticed, on a cape.
9. I could sew my money into lining of a cape so the kids wouldn’t know I had any. Robbers wouldn’t know about my money either, but a mom loses more money to kids than to robbers, so it’s all good.
10. A cape would allow me to turn invisible. With all the stuff on the floor of my home, I could crouch on the floor, fling my cape over me in a wrinkled fashion, and nobody would know I was there. I’d be invisible.
I have another new form of punishment and torture for my children – the Internet. Now that I blog, they are under constant scrutiny to provide the next fodder for my cyber-soliloquy. I even carry a small notebook in my purse, and doodle random actions and exclamations, and keep a running OneNote document on each child.
For years I have attempted to journal the comical things they say and do on my daily calendar, or in small notebooks for each child. But, who can keep two decades of calendars? The notebooks were read and re-read so many times the pages fell out. So, now I have the means of chronicling their lives and not only broadcasting it to a much wider audience, I can have it preserved forever
*as long as my hard-drive doesn’t crash (again)
*as long as I remember to backup my computer
*as long as someone doesn’t spill milk on my computer (again)
*as long as I remember yet another password
Now, when I hear bickering, I pull out my notebook, not always so discretely, and begin writing. If I don’t have a notebook, I grab a napkin or a scrap piece of paper. When they notice the writing, they sometimes begin to elevate their diction to a level of acceptability.
Sometimes, I may just casually ask, “What did you just say? I’m not sure I got that right?” with hands posed industriously with pen or keyboard, and they give me THE LOOK.
We all know THE LOOK. All kids use THE LOOK on their parents. It is when their eyebrows and lips morph into the expression that quietly shouts both “What are you thinking?” and “Are you really my parent?”
Then I give them the PARENT LOOK back.
We all know the PARENT LOOK. All children have seen the PARENT LOOK after they have dared question the superior wisdom and authority of their parental unit. It is the look when the eyebrows raise and the lips barely smirk, and we are quietly and victoriously shouting back,
“Yes, I AM thinking” and
“Yes, I AM your parent” but it adds,
“And if you don’t behave better, I am going to wear leopard stretch pants or a sweater with beads, mirrors and sequins sewed all over it the next time I take you out in public…and THEN I am going to blog you. Because, remember,
for the 499th time,
The love that a father has towards his children is one of the most precious things that can be portrayed. In the Bible we have pictures of Abraham and his son Isaac, Jacob and his son Joseph, and many others. But the most beautiful ones we see is the Heavenly Father and his Son, The Lord Jesus Christ. Those are some pretty incredible examples of a Father’s love. A couple of verses that were brought to my mind were in Romans 8:14-17.
How beautiful it is that those of us who have trusted to Lord as Savior to be our Redeemer have the privilege to call The Heavenly Father Our Heavenly Father. I am so thankful and privileged to have an earthly father who loves the Lord with all his heart. It is because of his godly influence in my life that I can have a closer walk with my Father who is in heaven.
Remember my clean stove with